When your ex gets married...
My ex-boyfriend got married last weekend. Just about a year after we broke up.
I found out about it a couple of months ago, in typical 2017 fashion: on Google. Some honeymoon go-fund-me page. They looked really happy and cute. That part didn’t bother me. I actually want him to find happiness.
I was thrown, though. Both when I found out, and in the day or two leading up to their wedding weekend. I’ve meditated my face off for the past 6 years, and most things don’t really phase me anymore. The drama is pretty much gone. I’ve put in a lot of time and energy to get to this place of equanimity, though, and it’s always nice to do some self-examination in times when I feel a bit shaky. What’s really going on to make me feel this way?
Here’s what I came up with:
**Even though I know very clearly that it’s not the right life for me now, it is the life I signed up for, 2 years ago, when I decided to move to China to live with him.
**Most of our common friends went to the wedding in Seoul, and even though they were mostly all his friends first, and of course they would be going to the wedding, it still felt weird to see all the social media posts and to know they were there celebrating. (oh, Facebook…)
**Part of me wondered, if they could find happiness together, maybe it was somehow a commentary on something lacking in me.
**Deep inside, I wondered when I’d find the ‘right person’ for my next romantic relationship.
Here’s what I did about it:
**I surrounded myself with wise, loving people.
**I stopped checking social media. Unfollowed some folks. My sister asked me how I felt when I saw the pictures. Good? Nope. Then stop looking. (I love my sister.)
**I embraced whatever I was feeling, and I stopped seeing it as a sign of weakness. I’m human. There’s no such thing as perfect. And that’s a good thing.
**I used it as inspiration. Back in April, when I first found out, I wrote a blog post about moving on, Vedic-style. It felt really good. And I took some of my own advice from that post: “It’s not me, or you. It’s the relationship.” No room for blame.
**I meditated. Twenty minutes, twice a day, I got in touch with nature, with my higher Self. Whatever you call it, I transcended the petty human stuff and re-connected with what I have known for years- I am fulfillment, I’m part of something much bigger than myself, and I can’t (and won’t) find happiness outside of myself.
**I co-hosted a meditation retreat in Chicago, with one of my dear friends (we didn’t know it would be their wedding weekend when we planned it). I taught 3 people to meditate for the first time, and we taught an advanced, ‘industrial strength’ meditation practice to 7 other beautiful people. Bliss all around. I get to do this for a living. That’s rad. I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. Plus, it got me out of my head.
**I realized that what I was feeling was the release of stress from my physiology. Vedic meditation cleans the system out, so our stress memories are no longer weighing us down and causing emotional and physical health problems. Better out than in.
We can’t choose the curveballs that life throws at us. Nor can we stop them from coming. We can, however, choose whether or not to suffer. Be true to yourself. Surround yourself with positivity, and tune out whatever isn’t serving your highest good. Meditate. Create. Transcend the small stuff. Surrender, and you’ll find yourself exactly where you are supposed to be. Be grateful. Be the love that you are.